Through her Eyes

As i stepped back into the theater with yoga and nathan, i found myself a seat all the way behind, the last row near the control room,near nathan's and thana's fortress.

i looked at the stage,where people were clearing up the props and sets.

and i kept on looking.and looking.and slowly, my eyes closed, and my mind went back to july 2008.

i leaned back against the soft velvet chair and sighed.
memories begun to swirl around me.
for that moment i wasn't at RP.
i was at my first day.

i was taken back to the sembawang bus interchange,waiting for parms cause i had no idea where jelutong cc was.
as she and i walked to the cc, which i now just can't do without, i walked into the theatrette.there were only four of us - saras, praba, parms and me. that was the first time i met praba.
little did i know, how much emotions that theatrette would hold.

a while later saras gave me the script. i flipped the pages and came across the page that was titled "Act 2 Scene 3".
and i saw the two words that would change my life forever - Big Mama.
Leader of a crew of 8 strong individuals who dare to stand up for what they believe in.

Moments later, shanty and kesavan came.
A tall guy with white long sleeves and 3/4 pants walked in,wearing shades.(at that moment i did feel that the shades had to die but what the heck).
at the first thing he said,looking at me was "and who is this?", in the most Jet - like tone ever.
i got up,smiled, shook his hands and said "hey, i'm suady"
and he said " hey you, i'm yoga".

within minutes, we all were taking pictures of ourselves,making fun of one another, laughing and joking about.
my mind swirled again, i moved forward to a day, a month or two later.

i walked into the theatrette, and saras came running to me and said "Your first two misfits are here!!".
with a huge grin on my face, i ran in and saw them.they were both sitting on the stage, very quiet, and as i saw both of them, something inside me told me that i was going to love them with all my life.
and that they were not going to be any quiet*grinz*
i loved their style, their personality, their character instantly.
and there was something about her that was just so.....like me.
i did my lines with them, and that day,
Spider and Bling came to life.

My mind swirled,to the day i walked up to the dance studio where i first met Lex and Prasad.
Mustafa came in, and no one was more happier than me when i knew that Stink was him.
that day was the last day, where ny final 4 misfitz came in.
Worm,Mole and Oz.
Digger was late.haha.

and i finally had my whole crew.

i looked at them, and my mind started asking questions.
"would i be their leader, the one they would look up to, the one who would look after them like one of her own, would i inspire and lead them?"
i never had the answers.
we never bonded at first.there were so much problems.
it seemed impossible.
but all my heart told me was, "whatever happens, don't give up on them.cause they WILL become more than what they are today, and they are worth it".

i remember the day Saras sent the misfitz out of the theatrette cause we totally screwed up our scene.
that day, one other person walked out with us.
he spoke, and with every word, i felt our hope rise.
we were bursting with ideas, with so much energy.
he was our spark.
when we went in back there, we made a statement.
a standard was set.the misfitz united.
Saras saw the scene,turned to him and said "Good job Nathan".
He beamed with pride.
that was just the start.

Mind swirled again, to the hardcourt.
Physical training was the most straining ones ever.
when it finally ended, i cried.
yoga and isabelle squeezed me tight and cried with me.
that was the day the "Suagabelles" were born.

Flashes of the journey came in my mind.

The week where Yoga,Isabelle,Anaz and i would go down for press release practice before judgement day.
before that week, at the theatrette, a young man sat on the stage, with a white hoodie, staring into blank space.
they told me that he was going to be in the cast.
and i asked yoga, "can he dance?"
yoga stared back at me.
that's when i met the King of House.

i saw her groove, and i loved it.
little did nicole know that she would inspire me to want to do groove in the near future.
he pushed me on when i needed hope,
and andrew had no idea how much it helped.

another tall guy came into the musical before i left for South Africa.
i didn't think that he would turn crazy.
but Thana eventually did - and brought joy along with it.

he came in and gave us his opinion,
cause he knew we were capable of something much better than what we were doing.
and yes Collin,u were right.

she designed and made that dress,
the one i wore for my finale.she believed i would pull it off.
that gown made me look different,and brought out another side of me.
how would i ever thank Kanitha for that.

we came in as ordinary people.
and now, my misfitz are all dancers.
the star that moulded us and never lost faith in us.
Prasad - u have no idea.

she came to me and told me, "i'm doing a musical , do u want the role of Big Mama?"
i never knew the word "yes" would bring to where i am now.
saras, what would i have done without you.

my mind swirled yet again and stopped at a point.
i told yoga "i want to quit. i can't do this"
he spoke. i listened.
i never gave up after that.

i could go on about how much everyone has done something for me.i really could go on thinking.

i thought about all the things we all went through.
but the one that really hit me were my misfitz.

i saw them grow, mature and learn.
i saw them from the beginning till yesterday.
i saw the transition.

my eyes opened and i felt tears stinging my eyes.
i stared on right through at the stage where most of the props had already been cleared out.
through thick and thin, till the very end we had disagreements and all.
but we gave in, forgave and forgot.
all 7 of them came to my mind, and i told my heart - "u have never been more right before"

as i blinked and kept staring right ahead,my vision of the stage became clear.
my mind stopped swirling.
i had a smile.
and i beamed.

i could never be any more prouder than i am right now,misfitz.
i love you all so much.


to everyone in this musical.

i want to apologize if i had hurt anyone here.
and i want to say that i am so proud to be part of something as amazing as this.
every single one of you are awesome, and have touched me in one way or another.
and i want to thank u for that.
i will not say bye, because i believe that we are in control of what we end.
and we will not end this.

and yes.
we didn't beat any standards out there yesterday.
we set our own.

thank you,from the very bottom of my heart, for moulding me into someone stronger than she has ever been.
i love you all.very much.

ROCK & RULE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Mama